IWSG# Impostor Syndrome

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Today is all about being an impostor. A writing impostor. I have been writing off and on for over half my life- which is a scary thought, especially if you know how old I am, and no, I am not going to tell you ;). And I have realized I feel like an impostor sometimes.

Now, first off the definition is of high achieving people who fail to be able to internalize their success.  Eh, I'd say anyone who is trying to move forward in a field that has vaguely defined success markers, and is probably in the arts of some sort, AND feels like they are not really what they are trying to be--has it.

For example:  I have a day job as a financial aid program coordinator at a major university.  I handle all of the state grants. It's a pretty big job. I don't have a problem telling folks I know what I'm doing and I am a financial aid professional.

But that is my job-for my career, my writing, I have realized I feel like an impostor. It's not a new feeling, I just never gave it a name before.  What triggered my "OHHH! That's ME!" response, was looking at some workshops for a writers convention I'm going to in July. One of them was dealing with Impostor Syndrome.

I swear a giant light bulb went off over my entire neighborhood at that. "My goodness- I have THAT!"

And sadly, I know I am not alone with my writing compadres in this. We are in a field with very few, "This person MADE it" goal posts. NYT bestsellers, multi million dollar contracts, etc- those folks "made it"- for this rest of us, it's a lot more vague.

Is it getting an agent? Then what if the agent can't sell your book?  Are you still a writer?  What if the publishing house dumps your series after one book?  Are you still a writer?  What if you go Indie? Are you still a writer?  Even once you get your books out there, and folks are starting to respond- you still have to ask yourself- am I really a writer?  And there's often a little voice who will say no. 

I think realizing that I do play this dialogue in my head, that I do have a tendency to see what I haven't achieved instead of what I have achieved, is a good start. But, I'm going to have to keep working on it.

What about you?  Do you feel like an impostor sometimes?  How do you deal with it?  Happy IWSG day!