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Chapter One
I
knew this wouldn’t be a good day when a goat stood bleating at me from the foot
of my bed.
And
it wasn’t my goat.
Rolling
over and ignoring it seemed the best option until Lucie, the orange cat menace,
ran across my bed, jumped to the headboard, tail in full puff mode, and hissed
at the goat.
If
I had access to my magic, I could have sent both of them out into the barn
where they could sort out their issues and leave me in peace. Unfortunately,
being a paroled jinn trapped on the backwater planet called Earth meant that
wasn’t an option.
Of
course, the humans of this planet were clueless about being a halfway house for
paroled criminals. Nor did they know of the hundred worlds, loosely grouped as
the Eltrisphere, hidden far beyond their solar system. Earth was only a joke to
the advanced peoples of the Universe, and Earthlings weren’t in on the
punchline.
“Lucie,
what is that goat doing here?” I had a goat. Actually, I had a goat assigned to
me. At this time in the morning, Tiberius was probably still passed out in the
living room, drooling into the carpet, and not appearing at all goat-like.
Tiberius
was also a jinn, a different line than mine, though. He didn’t have magic at
all.
Tiberius
was a former centurion and the one who’d brought me in for a crime I don’t
think I’d been involved with. There were complications after my hundred-year
stay in my bottle imprisonment for said crime, and I was given probation on
Earth to prove I was now a functioning member of society. Tiberius was sent
down with me to keep me on the straight and narrow. Or to spy on me. That
possibility was still in my head.
Here
on Earth, I looked just as I did normally, tall, slender, with long, black hair
and green eyes. My skin was a dusky tan, so I said my people were from some
place called India. Long ago.
In
real life, Tiberius was about seven feet tall, broad-shouldered, blue, and had
a massive wingspan. Those attributes only appeared now when he was asleep.
Otherwise, he was a talking goat. Who fainted when he got startled.
He
hated when Lucie or I pointed it out.
The
goat at the end of my bed gave a soft bleat, folded its legs, and settled in
for a staring contest.
“Seriously,
Lucie. Take your friend outside.” A glance at the clock informed me I still had
fifteen minutes before I had to get out of bed. I planned on keeping all of
them.
The
large orange cat hissed once more—which the goat ignored—but stayed on the
bookcase, which doubled as my headboard. “That’s not my friend. None of them are.
Get up and shove them out!” Lucie had been a companion of the jinn who’d sent
me into lockup for crimes he’d pulled off. The creep had also been my late and
unlamented ex-boyfriend. Lucie helped me resolve a few problems when I first
came here, and as he wasn’t a normal Earth cat, he decided to stay with us.
I
started to roll over when his words caught up with my attempt at dozing. “Wait,
them?” That got me up. “There are more?”
“Yes.”
Lucie flapped his tail. “At least seven more. There might be more outside. I
came in here to get away from them.”
I
was in my robe and slippers in a flash. Tiberius might look like a goat, but he
wasn’t one. I didn’t need a flock of real goats eating my furniture.
The
goat on my bed looked up as I ran out the bedroom door, but then snuggled back
into the blankets.
I’d
deal with it later.
The
snores from the far corner told me Tiberius hadn’t noticed his admirers. But
they had noticed him. Not a single piece of furniture had become goat food. Not
even the crocheted throw blanket Martha made me, which covered the back of my
sofa.
But
seven smallish goats were watching Tiberius with complete adoration. Even
though from the massive blue foot sticking up in the air, he wasn’t currently in
goat form.
I
quickly shut the front door in case there were more coming. How it got open
would be a question for Lucie. He’d stayed out last night, doing whatever he
did. I told him I could have a cat door built that would let him come and go as
he pleased. But he insisted on using his lock-picking skills. When he felt like it. Mostly, he scratched and
meowed to make me open the door for him.
He
hadn’t shut the door behind him, and whatever he’d been doing, it had involved
a herd of goats.
“Okay,
this isn’t good. Not today.” I ran my hand through my mass of unbound dark
hair. It had a mind of its own, so I usually kept it in a ponytail of some
sort, even in bed. I’d been so exhausted last night prepping for the grand
opening of my tea and spice shop that I’d let it go free. “Tiberius, get up.
Slowly.” The goats around him didn’t look violent, but who knew what would
happen when he transformed.
No
movement from the blue foot.
“Centurion
Tiberius, get up now!” I deepened my voice and shouted loud enough to make the
goat from my bedroom come out to investigate.
The
massive blue foot dropped, there was some muttering, and then a large goat with
impressive horns appeared wearing a blanket. He blinked at the smaller goats
watching him, then at me, then back at them.
“Why
are they staring at me? And why are they in our house? That’s not sanitary.”
I
ignored the fact that he was a goat and spent most of his time inside. His
glitching back into his real form when asleep meant sleeping in the barn or
outside was off-limits once night fell. “I have no idea. Lucie came running in
with them.”
“I
did not! They followed me. I couldn’t shut the door in time.” Lucie came into
the living room with his tail twitching furiously. He ignored the goats and
jumped on the kitchen counter.
I’d
tried to convince him the counter wasn’t a good place for a cat to be—he
ignored me. But the way the goats turned to look at him made me think it might
be okay this time. The one formerly in my room hadn’t reacted to Lucie much.
But these other seven were looking at him like he was goat food on the paw.
I
knew goats were fairly open about their eating preferences, but I didn’t think it
extended to cats. Most likely, he’d annoyed them somehow. It was one of his
skills.
Tiberius
stalked through the goats to go to Lucie’s counter. “What. Did. You. Do?”
Lucie’s
tail lashed so quickly that it looked like it was about to fly off. His eyes
narrowed, and he gave a hiss-growl that I’d never heard. Even from the local
cats.
“I
did nothing. I was making my rounds, checking out the town, as I do. These
followed me. Center of town, just a herd of goats out for a stroll in the
middle of the night.”
One
of the goats came alongside Tiberius and leaned into him. He gave an alarmingly
goat-sounding bleat and scrambled away.
“They
like you.” I pulled back the curtain across the front window. Yep, a few more
goats were milling about in the yard. “Someone has to be missing them. Goats
aren’t wild in Northern California.” I was pretty sure there were few areas in
this part of the world where they were wild, but as I was restricted to twenty
miles outside of the borders of Forgotten Hollow, I wasn’t planning on being
here long enough to find out.
“They
need to go outside.” Tiberius stomped to the door and waited for me to open it.
Unlike Lucie, his hooves weren’t good for opening doors. I would have said cat paws
weren’t much better, but I had a feeling Lucie had skills he wasn’t sharing
with us. He and I were both magic users, but our nice silver jewelry—two thin
bands on my wrists and a matching collar of an odd, flexible silver on Lucie’s
neck meant we weren’t casting spells.
Tiberius
didn’t have magic, but he got a collar as well. Supposedly, all of them blocked
other magic users from using magic against us.
Magic
users who shouldn’t be on this planet unless they were parolees as well. All of
the parolees on this planet were kept far away from each other. Like one per continent.
I
was just reaching for the door handle, the goats had lined up behind Tiberius,
when a sharp knock rattled my door.
I
clutched my robe tighter and peered out the side window. At first, I thought it
might be Jack Lanclin, my local cop friend. He’d been the first one to find me
when Tiberius and I had been dumped here. He’d also helped out when some dead
bodies showed up two months ago.
I
hadn’t seen him much since then. Sadly.
To
be fair, I’d been working on getting my teahouse, The Fainting Goat Tea and
Spice, built and ready to open. But he could have stopped by just to visit.
Honestly, it was almost as if he was avoiding me.
The
man on my stoop wasn’t Jack. His hair was blond and his profile was kind.
Just
from what I could see, he was what my friends Betsy, Jamie, and Martha would
have called a hottie.
And
I was here with a bathrobe, wild hair, and a herd of goats. Jinn ranged from
the more exotic, like Tiberius with his massive size, wings, and blue skin, to
more human-looking, like me. My darker skin and wide green eyes did make me a
little exotic-looking, but I could easily pass for a human without a spell.
The
man knocked again. I couldn’t take the time to change, nor could I hide the
goats. With a sigh, I opened the door a few inches.
“Yes?”
“Hello,
I’m Camfield. My goats appear to have wandered into your yard.” His accent was
delightful. From my late-night TV binging, I recognized it as from somewhere in
Britain. I would have known if someone like him had moved into town.
No
matter how caught up I was in getting The Fainting Goat up and running.
One
of the goats behind me bleated, and I opened the door further. “A few of them
came inside as well.” I didn’t want this handsome, amazing-sounding man to
think I was trying to steal his goats. “I have a goat with health issues. He
comes inside sometimes, and I think they followed him. I woke up to find them
here.”
Tiberius
narrowed his eyes at me but then led the goats out past Camfield.
“That
is an impressive buck. No wonder my girls followed him.” He laughed as Tiberius
trotted toward the barn and all of Camfield’s goats trailed after him. “I’m new
to farm life, but never heard of a goat living inside a house.”
“He
has serious health issues, rare ones. It’s better to give him his medicine
inside. And he faints.”
“Ah!
I’ve heard of those. Are you interested in selling him? I could use a buck like
him with my herd.”
I
swore I heard Lucie muttering behind me, but it was low enough so Camfield
didn’t respond. “I couldn’t. He was left to me by my favorite great-uncle when
he passed. Part of the family.” Jinn couldn’t lie if they knew the truth; it
would literally make us choke, but we were great at crafting tales. The line
was extremely thin, but one I fought to hold.
My
official story concerning Tiberius was although my great-uncle did leave him to
me, he was also the only good thing I got in an ugly divorce. As long as I kept
my stories straight, I should be okay from choking.
He
nodded. “I understand. Fainting goat, you wouldn’t be Ceian, the owner of the new
teahouse, The Fainting Goat?”
“I
am. We even built him a pen alongside it. Namesake and all.” I shoved my mass
of hair aside and tried my most winsome smile.
Camfield
sighed and looked back toward the barn. “It’s been wonderful making your
acquaintance. I apologize for any issues my goats caused you. But I should get
them back to my yard.”
“Anytime.”
I flustered. “I mean, they weren’t any trouble at all.” That time, I knew I
heard Lucie muttering swear words. They weren’t in any human language, luckily.
Camfield
flashed a stunning smile, gave a nod, and followed Tiberius and the goats to my
barn.
I
took a step to follow them, but Lucie dropped down and rubbed my legs. It
wasn’t affection; he was pointing out my current attire.
I
watched Camfield vanish into the barn with a sigh, then shut the door.
Sulking
at my lack of a wonderful first impression, I went to the kitchen, started
warming up the kettle, and brought some eggs out of the fridge.
Lucie
resumed his spot on the counter. “You have a crush. I thought you liked the cop?”
I
tried ignoring the cat, but I knew it was pointless.
“Detective
Jack Lanclin, his name is Jack. And I don’t like him. He was interesting when
we first arrived here and helpful in getting us through that mess. If I went to
jail, you’d be on the streets. But he has other things to deal with besides me.”
I crammed tea leaves into my loose-leaf strainer. Probably more than required,
but I felt a need for a lot of caffeine this morning. Things weren’t off to a
great start. “Camfield is just a nice man who isn’t blaming me for you leading
off his goats.”
A
knock at my door brought me stumbling to answer. Maybe Camfield had something
else to mention. I tried fixing my hair, but it was still a massive pile. Nonetheless,
I put on my best smile as I opened the door.
To
find three little old ladies staring past my barn. Betsy had her hand up to
knock again, and I coughed before she could finish the movement and hit me in
the chest.
“Oh!
Sorry, Ceian. Just got distracted. That Camfield is quite the looker. He’s
already calling on you?” She grinned as I stepped back to invite the three in.
They
were my only friends in Forgotten Hollow. People were nice, but they seemed to
avoid getting too close to me because of the dead bodies that had been found
around me when I first arrived.
Not
to mention, I’d been told they could take years to warm up to a newcomer. I was
hoping that my parole down here wouldn’t last that long.
Martha
and Jamie followed Betsy in, and all three stopped to say hello to Lucie and
give him the required pettings. He purred, rubbed against their hands, and then
darted out the door before I could shut it.
“Stay
out of trouble.” I kept my voice light, but he needed to be more aware of what
was around him.
“What
brings you over this morning?” Without asking, I poured everyone tea and added
some cookies. The ladies often dropped by, but rarely this early.
“There’s
been a murder!” Betsy’s bright blue eyes were round as she beat the other two
to the punch.
