IWSG# Impostor Syndrome

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Today is all about being an impostor. A writing impostor. I have been writing off and on for over half my life- which is a scary thought, especially if you know how old I am, and no, I am not going to tell you ;). And I have realized I feel like an impostor sometimes.

Now, first off the definition is of high achieving people who fail to be able to internalize their success.  Eh, I'd say anyone who is trying to move forward in a field that has vaguely defined success markers, and is probably in the arts of some sort, AND feels like they are not really what they are trying to be--has it.

For example:  I have a day job as a financial aid program coordinator at a major university.  I handle all of the state grants. It's a pretty big job. I don't have a problem telling folks I know what I'm doing and I am a financial aid professional.

But that is my job-for my career, my writing, I have realized I feel like an impostor. It's not a new feeling, I just never gave it a name before.  What triggered my "OHHH! That's ME!" response, was looking at some workshops for a writers convention I'm going to in July. One of them was dealing with Impostor Syndrome.

I swear a giant light bulb went off over my entire neighborhood at that. "My goodness- I have THAT!"

And sadly, I know I am not alone with my writing compadres in this. We are in a field with very few, "This person MADE it" goal posts. NYT bestsellers, multi million dollar contracts, etc- those folks "made it"- for this rest of us, it's a lot more vague.

Is it getting an agent? Then what if the agent can't sell your book?  Are you still a writer?  What if the publishing house dumps your series after one book?  Are you still a writer?  What if you go Indie? Are you still a writer?  Even once you get your books out there, and folks are starting to respond- you still have to ask yourself- am I really a writer?  And there's often a little voice who will say no. 

I think realizing that I do play this dialogue in my head, that I do have a tendency to see what I haven't achieved instead of what I have achieved, is a good start. But, I'm going to have to keep working on it.

What about you?  Do you feel like an impostor sometimes?  How do you deal with it?  Happy IWSG day!

Warrior Wench Face Book Party!

It has been a LONG time coming, A LONG time. BUT the WARRIOR WENCH is hitting the space lanes this coming TUESDAY!  (May 24th ;).

To celebrate, I'm having a party!  Now, since we all live in different parts of the world, that could be problematic, not to mention, ya all wouldn't fit in my house. So, the party will be on Face Book!

https://www.facebook.com/events/1027414450647322/

The above link should work, but you can also just go to my author Face Book page and sneak in that way ;).

It's starting at 4pm Pacific Time(aka 5 pm MDT, 6pm CDT, and of course 7 pm East coasters) and runs for four hours. You can come and go as you please, but there will be prizes throughout the entire evening along with sneak peaks.

So, come on over and hang out for a bit!

It's all about Denny's

Yup- the restaurant. Now, stick with me, this makes sense really. And once we talk about it, you'll see it could really be about anything or anyplace.

I drive by a Denny's on my way to and from the day job. Usually, I don't even notice it, but this most recent trip home I was stuck at the light and found myself contemplating the banners for $2, $4, $6- etc menu price points they have.

Which got me thinking about the restaurant itself. Rather, the way people view it.

To some, a Denny's is just an example of mediocre food, something to be sped past on the freeway. But what if you've been driving for a day or so, and it's the first restaurant you see?  What if you're homeless and just got enough money for your first hot meal in weeks?

How would the person who grew up going to that Denny's every Friday and Saturday night in their youth after watching friends bands' play at clubs see it?

The person who worked at one while putting themselves through college?

The popular foodie who secretly likes their Moons Over My Hammy, but can't let anyone know?

All of those scenarios, and pretty much any others you can come up with, are about the SAME restaurant. How it's viewed by people- aka our characters- is completely based on their emotional reaction to it. Not the place itself.

Someone who went there every Sunday evening with their favorite great Aunt is going to have a flood of emotions hitting them the first time they step through the door after their great Aunt has passed away. Do they go back with new friends?  Alone?  Never go back?  Their reaction to the place and way they approach it tell the reader a ton about that character--even if it's not something the reader can isolate. The reader feels it.

A character's reaction to something everyday in their world can be a powerful tool to show different aspects of a character, and slip in bits about their past without beating a reader over the head with it.

So look around your world when you're writing--find the Denny's--find the emotion that can connect your reader to your character.

(for the record--I think they have very decent breakfasts and yes, spent a lot of time in them after the clubs closed  ;)).

#IWSG-Going out in public

Welcome to another round of the 

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Today's scream into the void, is the whole, "going out in public with our books" thing. Before I was published, appearing at a book signing or book fair was something I dreamed of. And this was EVEN after years in bookstore management seeing book signings crash and burn.

But then I started doing them.  

First was a signing in the lobby of my day job before we opened. It was more of a party and very fun- thrilling even. I knew all the folks there liked me at least a little.

Since then I've done two huge book fairs and two bookstore signings. And, at my advanced age, I'm beginning to think I might just be an introvert, instead of the introverted extrovert I always thought I was. Coincidence?

These events are awesome- it is so wonderful to meet readers who either have read your books and enjoyed them (I can't explain how wonderful that feels!) or think they look interesting enough to give them a try.

They are also freaking terrifying. You're sitting out there, surrounded by people who don't have to like you because you work with them, showing them your BOOK. And really hoping they say something nice--or at the very least, don't say something mean.

I've got another signing this Saturday- with some pretty dang amazing authors. I am freaking out that I'll get lost in the dust. Part of me, the part that looked forward to things like this for a VERY long time, is bouncing around in glee. The newly discovered introvert side of me is screaming for someone to come hold my hand during all of it.

So- for you folks who have done events, how do you cope?  For folks who haven't done them yet--are you looking forward to doing them?  

Shameless plug for my upcoming event- a great event, at a very cool Indie bookstore- if you live in Southern California, please come by! (No, I won't really make you hold my hand ;)).

http://www.mystgalaxy.com/event/mysterious-galaxy-23rd-birthday-bash

On Saturday, May 8, 1993, a new store opened in Clairemont Square, dedicated to the staff’s passion for books of “Martians, Murder, Magic and Mayhem.” Today, more than twenty years later, that passion continues. We invite you to join us on Saturday, May 7, for our annual all-day celebration, featuring some fantastic spotlight authors, a celebration of our still new to us location, and, of course, cake! 

10:00 AM: Mystery Morning
Authors Gregory Harris, Linda O. Johnston, Kwei Quartey, and Lida Sideris

11:00 AM: Middle Grade Magic
Authors Cameron Baity and Benny Zelkowicz

Noon: Young Adult Author Panel
Authors Elizabeth Briggs, Jennifer Brody, Tobie Easton, Eric Laster, and Sara Wolf

1:00 PM: Discussing Dragons
Authors Marie Brennan and Todd Lockwood

2:00 PM: Suspense Spotlight
Authors Kelley Armstrong, Daryl Wood Gerber, Elena Hartwell, and Gavin Scott

3:00 PM: CAKE!

3:30 PM: Fantastic Speculations
Authors Marie Andreas, Gini Koch, Jonathan Maberry, and Sharon Skinner

Losing those dang words...aka dealing with editing.

Recently one of my very dear friends plied me with questions about writing. She's looking at finally jumping into writing and is just learning all the weird stuff.

I mentioned editors and having to lose lots of words.

Most of those come from my developmental editor--one problem with being a pantser is a tendency to go wandering off track. The detour makes sense at the time, but then another bright and shiny plot direction takes over and I have a lovely dead-end.  Hanging in the middle of the book. (Or more- my rough drafts often look like suburban neighborhoods with a cul-de-sac every few miles ;)) 

My wonderful, awesome, editor points out those , "Umm, WTF?" moments ( my words, not her's ;)).  She doesn't tell me to remove things per se, just points out where I have gotten lost in some strange side alley and that it's really not helping the book. I adore her for it.

So I end up often slicing a fair amount of words after I get edits back from her. My new writer friend's point was--what if you really like those words. A VERY valid question.

However, when you're creating something, a novel, novella, short story, whatever, you have to look at the big picture. And anything that makes the big picture stronger, needs to be followed through.  Obviously a big part of this process is having folks you trust and who understand your voice and story. But it's also up to the author to be willing to let go a few awesome words (or a few thousand *cough*) to make the work stronger.

I still save my larger cut sections, just to make my inner rough draft writer feel better that I can get them back if needed.

I've been writing a LONG time, and I've never needed them. But ya never know.

So yeah, losing those hard fought for words can hurt, but if they make your remaining words better-- ya need to do it!

Convention recovery!

So, I had intended to post a witty and insightful blog DURING the Romantic Booklovers Convention last week. 

Yeah, that didn't happen. Between computer issues (my new laptop apparently HATES Las Vegas- this is two for two in the last 6 months) and the general mayhem, stress, and madness that is RT- no blog was conceived. :(

BUT- I can sneak in a recovery blog!

This was my fourth RT--and my last for at least a while (still hoping it will come to San Diego sometime!  ;)) Each one has been full of good times and not so good times, but all four have been pretty dang cool.

When I first started going, I was unpublished. I'd been writing for a long time *cough* but was just starting to get serious about it again. There were so many wonderful panels! Even though I don't write romance, I completely felt comfortable at that first RT (and still do ;)). 

This last one was my blow out- did the signing at the book fair again (awesome!), co-hosted a reader party with seven other authors (also awesome!), did Club RT, made a raffle basket for club RT, and found out I am really not fond of the Rio Casino ;).

I had an insane time running around (and as anyone who was there will tell you- that was a LONG haul from the rooms to the convention--even for someone who walks a lot like me ;)), meeting readers, other writers, reviewers, bloggers, and the RT volunteers--who were AWESOME!! There is absolutely nothing in the world like RT. Seriously, if you love books with romance- you HAVE to go to one- even just once (most likely you'll be hooked though ;)).

I had to rent a van to get everything for the reader party up there, spent the full week up there- drove up last Monday, then drove back two days ago. Went back to the day-job yesterday. I'm still not fully unpacked and I have a nasty cold. But ya know what? It was so worth it!

If you went this year, or a past year, share your fav RT stories! 

#IWSG-Pushing yourself and changing defeat

Welcome one and all to yet another episode of How the Writer Turns!  Today's saga is brought to you by the awesome folks behind the Insecure Writers Support Group, an institution created by Captain Alex, where writers across the land gather monthly, and in one voice, shout our fears into the great void!

Join Us!http://www.insecurewriterssupportgroup.com/p/iwsg-sign-up.html

Today is all about pushing oneself, failing, getting back up and pushing some more.  For the last three months or so, I've been trying to get two books out. Yeah, not the brightest idea, especially when I have a full time day job as well.  But, I was working on book three of the fantasy series, when book one of the space opera trilogy started getting pushy.  She'd been written some time ago, and had already gone through first round edits. Things got worse once she had an awesome cover.

She wanted out.  If you have seen that cover off to the right- Warrior Wench- yeah, the heavily armed one, she is hard to say no to.

So I tried to do both.  The Emerald Dragon was the first focus, but in between editing rounds for it, I'd work on Warrior Wench.

Last Monday I admitted defeat- or rather an admittance of delay-for Warrior Wench and set her up as a pre-order.

The Emerald Dragon is up as an ebook (*points over to the right side of your screen for the handy link ;)); but still waiting for the print proofs to let the print version go live.

And, I've realized how hard I have been pushing myself. Not only the books, the full time job, but next week is the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention--the event is insane- plus I'm co-hosting a party which takes a lot of wrangling. I'm tired. I'll also be signing at The LA Festival of Books this coming Saturday.

But I pushed myself. I didn't let setbacks slow me down, instead I adapted my thinking and moved forward as best I could. And ya know what--it feels good :).

So, go push your limits today, see how that works for you :).

And happy IWSG DAY!!